A Community Garden: A Personal Narrative
Which is the best revision of sentence 5?
1. We were walking by the dirt lot again, and there was Ben digging up the dirt with a shovel.
2. The following Saturday, I was walking by the dirt lot again, and there was Ben digging up the dirt with a shovel.
3. I was walking by the dirt lot again, and there was he digging up the dirt with a shovel.
4. Finally, I was walking by the dirt lot again, and there was Ben digging up the dirt with a shovel.
Answer:
The best revision of sentence 5 is: The following Saturday, I was walking by the dirt lot again, and there was Ben digging up the dirt with a shovel.
In the personal narrative, the author recalls a moment when Ben first had the idea for a community garden. As they were walking home from school past an old abandoned dirt lot, Ben paused to stare through the fence, lost in thought. The author initially found Ben's behavior strange. Later on, when the author was walking by the dirt lot again, they saw Ben digging up the dirt with a shovel.
The best revision of sentence 5, "The following Saturday, I was walking by the dirt lot again, and there was Ben digging up the dirt with a shovel," is the most appropriate choice. This revision adds a specific time reference, indicating that some time has passed since the initial encounter with Ben at the dirt lot. It provides a clearer timeline of events and enhances the flow of the narrative.
By including the detail of it being the following Saturday, the revision helps to connect the events more cohesively for the reader. It sets the scene for the continued development of Ben's idea for the community garden and adds depth to the storytelling.